Micky Flynflam, the naughty Hall Monitor

Mr Humptytrumpty was VERY cross.

He stood at the top end of the playground, you know, the end where it slopes up to the bikesheds so it’s easy to see everything that’s going on, and simmered.


It had been harder than he’d ever thought it could be, being headmaster.  Much harder than building big sandcastles.  He thought about all the hard things he’d had to do over the last few weeks.

pink_pussyhatFirst, all those pesky girls in their pussy hats saying their playground meeting was bigger than his.  FAKE NEWS!  NOT TRUE!  He’d get his own back somehow.  Probably grab their pussy hats hard, that’d show them!



Then that dreadful Mrs Kittenheels from Brexit Grammar.  He’d had to agree with EVERYTHING she said in morning assembly, or else she wouldn’t invite him to tea with Mrs Queen.  He really, really wanted to sit with Mrs Queen in her golden coach with the fine horses, and have tea with Mrs Queen in her gold palace.  Donald loved gold.

The headmaster of the little school next door hadn’t helped much either.  Saying he wasn’t going to pay for Donald’s longed for big school wall.  He’d learn though.  Donald would get his own way.


And the business with the School Governors and the bus passes.  Humph!  They’d got their way and now anyone, ANYONE, with a bus pass could come to the big school.  But he’d put a stop to that!  He was going to change the rules.  Next week.  They’d see!



Bring back the cane, the School Governors hadn’t liked that one either, said it wasn’t needed.  Donald didn’t agree, use a nice whippy cane and give ’em six of the best, that would improve discipline.  Gotta show ’em you’re the biggest, meanest, toughest school on the planet!  Gotta show ’em!


Leaks, leaks, leaks.  Too many of those too, from the Gym showers and the Gym floor flooded out.  Gym showers leaks – very serious!  The Gym shower leaks MUST be stopped.

The folks in charge of the various agencies need to work hard to fix the leaks.

Worst of all though, were those pesky kids in the Lower IV’th, with their underground school newspaper, telling lies.  He hadn’t found their printing press yet, but he would, and then he’d put a stop to them and their FAKE NEWS.


But at least his deputy head, Mr Two-pence-short-of-a-shilling, was still trying hard to make things right, and his headboy, Altright Baboon had come up with lots and lots of good ideas for the Big School.  In fact Altright had more ideas than Donald did!  VERY USEFUL!

And he’d had tea and biscuits with lots of other headmasters, and most, not like that bolshie headmaster of Auzzie Grammar, had been very nice to him.  And he’d just had a lovely weekend off at his beach hut playing golf with Abe and The Big Easy, so it wasn’t all bad.


But now Donald had a problem, a big problem.  And as he stood at the top end of the playground he thought VERY HARD about it.


So, children, what was Donald’s problem?


Well, he had no Hall Monitor anymore, and that was difficult.  You see, the Hall Monitor has permission to talk to the teachers in ALL the other schools, and can then make sure that only the RIGHT children get Hall Passes.  Being Hall Monitor is a very BIG, important job.

But Micky Flynflam, Donald’s Hall Monitor, had been very naughty.  He’d started talking about Hall Passes to the teachers at the Russky High School BEFORE Donald was made Headmaster, and that was very wrong.   You know Russky High don’t you?  It’s a long way away in a very cold place.  Vlad the Tsar is Headmaster of Russky High School, and he is very, VERY bossy.  There aren’t any school governors at Rusky High, so Vlad the Tsar can do whatever he likes!  Donald likes Vlad the Tsar.  Donald would like to run a school that has no school governors.

Well, Micky Flynflam, the Hall Monitor, talked about Hall Passes to Vlad the Tsar’s teachers BEFORE he was allowed to, and then he told BIG lies to Mr Two-pence-short-of-a-shilling, and said he hadn’t really talked to them.  But The Big School Governors found out, and said Micky Flynflam really, really had talked to Vlad the Tsar’s teachers without permission, and was telling lies.  The Big School Governors said “It’s not cricket!” and were SO cross that Micky Flynflam couldn’t be Hall Monitor any more, and had to leave The Big School.

Donald hadn’t been TOO worried though, because he said “I’ll ask Navy Bob to be Hall Monitor, he’ll do it”.  So he asked Navy Bob.  And Navy Bob thought about it very hard, and said “Because being Hall Monitor is a big, difficult job I need helpers, and I want to choose my helpers myself”, but bossyboots Donald said “No, only I can choose helpers, because I’m headmaster”.  So Navy Bob had run away, and wouldn’t be Hall Monitor.

So Donald doesn’t have a Hall Monitor any more!

And worse still, now the School Governors are saying that Donald MUST have known that Micky Flynflam Hall Monitor was telling lies, because Donald is Headmaster and knows EVERYTHING about The Big School, and because Donald likes Vlad the Tsar too much.  Can Donald convince them he didn’t know?  Difficult problem.


And that’s why a very, very cross Donald is standing at the top end of the playground!

Poor Donald.

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